_{me realizing that in acosf we’ll see:}

• _{cassian dealing with his pain. he’s carried the burden of unresolved trauma from his mother’s death his whole life.}
  
• _{cassian does not act on his own emotion, not fully. in acowar he never truly seemed to pick nesta, not until the end, not when it was too late and he thought they would die. when nesta bandages his hand he doesn’t seem to really act on it, and while we get these scenes of them exchanging glimpses and looks, cassian just… doesn’t ever fully pursue it.}
• _{cassian believes he is not worth anything and that is because of his mother’s death.}
• _{(see: him not pursuing nesta because he does not believe he is worthy, nor is he ever used to acting for himself. even when he went after her in acofas it was because rhysand urged him to do so)}
• _{his worth is very much uprooted in his glory. there is no better reason for him to constantly stay sparring and busying himself in illyrian affairs to a very unhealthy extent. he believes that if he ensures the safety of every single illyrian and particularly the women, he’ll redeem himself and that his worth will be immeasurable. but he has not ever shaken off the pain that came with being deemed a bastard.}
• _{cassian has never truly faced the anger inside of him that came from his mother’s death, and if we’re being honest, he’s scared to. with battle and commanding others there is precision, there is order. but with facing your innermost demons you can’t predict what you’ll deal with; it isn’t like battle because you don’t know your opponent.}
• _{the inner circle knows of his pain, but really, i don’t think cassian has ever allowed them to truly help him with it. mor has an idea of it and rhysand undoubtedly knows, but i don’t think cassian has ever truly been vulnerable in that aspect because he thinks that they do not understand.}

_{acosf will not only touch on nesta’s pain but CASSIAN’S. both have their own scars and wounds, but cassian has never allowed his to be visible, not completely. and i genuinely think it’ll be the first time in his life that he’ll ever be vulnerable.}